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Avoid Burning-Out Your Family While You Make a Living
Successful business can burn-out your family. Yes, we can burn-out too, but often we are so motivated by the vision of success and financial achievement that we keep the accelerator to the floor, come home to Indy 500 pit stops and head back out to conquer the world. Often we leave our families eating our dust. But then, there is the income, the career advancements, the perks and somehow we just don't see it. The worst possible feeling is investing your whole life into a journey that you thought was worthwhile and arriving at the end and realizing that you took a wrong turn a long time ago and left the ones you truly love wounded, angry, and alone.
It's doesn't have to be that way. Busy people can build close, loving, and supportive families while taking on the world. Just how is that done? Much easier than you think. Here's the KEY: You can be busy, but don't be hurried. "Busy" is life, while "hurried" ignores other lives. Here's what you do...
First, just say it. "I love my family. My family is the most important legacy that I am leaving behind. I will love, lead, coach, and cheer each one of them on in their life journey, not matter what it takes. When they think of Dad/Mom, they will remember that I was there for them." Now arrange your life to make that true.
Build relational routines into your family that will define your daily life.
Use your meals to build into your family. They are a great time to check up on people, listen to their challenges, share their victories, and to sense their needs. Let each person in your family have a "share" time where they tell about their day. Statistics show that healthy adjusted kids feel that they were "listened" to as children at the dinner table. You can use breakfast or dinners for this even if that means that you go in later or come home earlier. You can adjust it to the rythm of your family. The investment will be invaluable.
Be sure to give hugs, kisses, and "Love you"s every chance you can. When you leave for the day, when you come home, when you say goodnight, it's an important time to lavish your family with verbal affection. Even if it's a routine, it's important to them.
And use your goodnight time to listen to your kids. Sit by your kid's bed and relax. Don't look at your watch, think about what your missing on t.v., or the meeting you are planning for in your head. Look your child in the eyes and just enjoy them for a few moments while they wind down. I promise you, you will miss those times when they are grown up and gone (I have three in college).
Use technology to touch them during your day. Call your spouse at least once (preferable twice) a day when you come up for air. Just chat and tell them what's going on. See if they need anything when you are on your way home. Also, text your kids during the day. Just say, "thinking of you", "good luck today!", "proud of you", etc. It only take a moment but can mean so much to them. They may act embarrassed that they are getting a text message from their parents, but I assure you that their friends will envy them. And don't forget video chat. You can now talk face to face via computer with those that you love from across the world. Just a 3-5 minute investment will pay great dividends.
Make weekends special! You need to do four things over the weekends. You need to recharge and rest and be YOU. You need time for your hobbies and interests. Also, you need time with your spouse. Be sure to use one evening for a well planned, romantic or fun date. Next, be sure you spend time having fun with your kids. Go hiking, BBQ at the park, go to sports events, movies, malls, lakes/beaches, or camping. If you have young athletes then make a day of it and be their biggest supporter. Finally, you need to be the fix-it-person-problem-solver for the family. Get that oil can and screw driver and stop the annoying squeaks and tighten those loose hinges. Your family will love weekends with you, because you are there for them. For three nights and two days you are theirs and theirs alone; no files, no rushing to the office, no appointments, no calls.
Every fall sit down with the family and announce and plan the family vacation for the summer. By planning ahead it will be a "light at the end of the tunnel" when things get really busy or hard during the year. Family vacations are meant to be restorative adventures together, producing memories of fun, growth, learning, and relationship. There are lots of amazing things you can do together depending on the age of your kids and whether your wife thinks camping means a tent or a Holiday Inn. Be sure to come back two or three days early so everyone can decompress and get ready for life again.
Yes, there will be seasons of adjustment. Maybe you have a long trip to take, a child has a championship season, your spouse has an opportunity for more education, or some other unexpected turn of events. With your routines in place you already have a strong relational foundation to adjust from. Be creative, use technology, and know the boundaries beyond which you will NOT go because of your family. Be busy, but never hurried.
In the end your greatest achievement will be sending well-adjusted, loving kids into the world, who will visit you during the holidays and bring their grandkids to you. And you won't have to worry about them, because they will do things the SAME way that you did. You will have created a legacy to be proud of. And by the way, it will make you a better business leader as well and you will be successful. Start right now. If your spouse or kids are near...you know what to do.
Mark Olmos has been serving people for 30 years and now helps people set up their own successful home businesses. You can find his website at: http://www.1team1heartbeat.com
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